


The Unbelievable Pepsiman

by StrongBrush1



Category: Game Grumps, Pepsiman (Video Game)
Genre: Don't Try This At Home, Gen, Metal TF, Pepsi, Superheroes, Transformation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-02
Updated: 2018-04-02
Packaged: 2019-04-17 09:56:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14186379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StrongBrush1/pseuds/StrongBrush1
Summary: On a hor day, Dan drinks too much Pepsi and transforms into the world's most unlikely superhero...





	The Unbelievable Pepsiman

**Author's Note:**

> Thought I'd try something shorter and a little less lewd for this one. Also, sorry I missed March. Work has been kicking my ass lately.
> 
> Hopefully I'll be able to release something else this month to make up for the schedule slip.
> 
> But I digress. Enjoy my stupid little comic book story.

THE UNBELIEVABLE PEPSIMAN!!!  
By Argo “StrongBrush” Brimstone

GLENDALE, CALIFORNIA!

The sun beats down over the city! The sidewalks practically double as stovetops, and any poor soul who dares venture outside of an air-conditioned room will find themselves instantly dehydrated and sapped of energy! Any other day, this would not be a problem for the people of the greater Los Angeles area... Unfortunately, for some unknown reason, Glendale was in the midst of a total power blackout!

THE GRUMP SPACE!

Arin and Dan sit on the couch, waiting impatiently for the power to come back on. Dan is sipping on his 5th can of Pepsi. The two good friends were filming a playthrough of Zelda: Skyward Sword when the power went out and their capture was lost! Due to the sudden lack of AC, the room had become stuffy and humid. Arin went so far as to take his pants off, and Dan, as you may have guessed, chose to keep himself refreshed by downing a constant stream of Pepsi!

“Dan, how much of that stuff are you going to drink?”  
“As many as it takes until the power comes back on.”  
“You know soda isn’t great for hydration, right?”  
“Arin, I appreciate your input but I do not care.”  
“You’re going to be salty with me right now? You going to be a salty Sandra?”  
“Calm down. The power should come back on eventually, right?”  
“It’s been two hours, dude. I think this might be a more major issue than we think.”  
“I mean, we could postpone the Game Grumps session, right?”  
“We could, it would just be a pain in the ass to get out on time…”

Suddenly, without warning, Ross comes into the room... He is practically drenched with sweat, and breathing heavily!  
“Jesus, Ross!” exclaims Dan, “What happened? Were you running a marathon?”  
“I just… went out… to get... the mail…” Ross gasps out.  
“Okay,” says Arin, “maybe we should just stay inside until the power comes back on.”

Ross notices the pile of Pepsi cans littered at Dan’s feet... “How many of those... have you had?”  
“I think like... 5,” replies Dan. “You want some?”  
“Pass. I need to lie down... and drink some water...”  
“More for me!” says Dan, opening and chugging another can.

TWO HOURS LATER…  
The power is still out, and Dan is currently on his twelfth can of Pepsi! His eyes are wide open from the caffeine, he has taken 6 bathroom breaks and his muscles are involuntarily twitching, but he, without second thought, downs the remainder of the can!  
[*NOTE TO READERS: DO NOT ATTEMPT THIS AT HOME. DRINKING EXCESSIVE AMOUNTS OF CAFFEINATED BEVERAGES IS HAZARDOUS TO YOUR HEALTH.]

Arin, nearly sapped of energy and feeling frustrated, slowly gets up off the couch and leaves the room...  
“Arin, where are you going?” asks Dan.  
“I’m going to see if I can find a sleeping bag or something, Doesn’t look like the power will be coming back on any time soon, so I might as well get some rest.” Arin turns back in the doorway… “And stop fucking drinking so much Pepsi, man! You’re gonna kill yourself!”

Dan suddenly realizes that he’s consumed two six-packs of cola and decides he’s probably had enough for one day... But as Arin closes the door behind him, everything seems to freeze in place! Dan lets go of the twelfth can and watches as it falls to the floor, empty, in slow motion!

He stands up, looking at the still falling can. The twitch in his muscles has spread all throughout his body!  
“I’m going into shock,” Dan thinks. “I’m about to die…”  
But death did not come for Dan Avidan today. The twitching dissolves away into pure, raw energy. Dan can only gaze at his own body in awe as his muscles expand, popping open the buttons on his flannel shirt. But the Muscles are not the end of it. Where Dan’s hand had been touching the can, his skin begins to turn deep blue... shiny and metallic! The metallic skin spreads all over his hand, then to his arm, then the rest of his body.

“What… what is happening to me?!” thinks Dan.

The twelfth can, the one that broke the camel’s back, finally hits the floor. Dan feels invigorated, and gets up on his feet. He brushes his long, curly hair out of his eyes. When he looks down, he initially believes he had been having a weird dream and woke up in his Danny Sexbang outfit. Bt upon further inspection, this was not a Sexbang outfit he was familiar with… and it wasn’t just spandex. It was his muscled, metallic skin, emblazoned with the Pepsi logo in the center of his chest.

Dan immediately looked for a mirror, running to the nearest bathroom. Ross noticed Dan running across the hall and thought to himself, “Was that… nah, it’s probably nothing.”

In the bathroom, Dan takes a look at his face… or lack thereof! If it weren’t for his distinctive hair, you couldn’t tell that this muscle-bound, metallic creature with only a blank space where his face should have been is, in fact, internet comedian and musician Dan Avidan!

Dan doesn’t have much time to contemplate his predicament when he suddenly senses trouble across town… the newfound strength and energy fill Dan with the intense compulsion to be a hero! But he can’t fight crime in blue jeans and a flannel shirt…

Dan, with lightning speed, takes off his clothes, exposing the rest of his metallic, body-builder’s figure. He is anatomically unequipped, but for the moment that doesn’t matter because there is crime to fight and a town to save.

Ross goes to open the bathroom door but before he knows it, Dan rushes out, bare ass naked, off to save the day. Ross is no longer sure if the heat is just playing tricks on him. “Arin...! I think there’s something VERY wrong with Dan!”

MEANWHILE, AT THE GLENDALE POWER PLANT…

A vile fiend who calls himself “Circuit Breaker” has taken over the local electric plant, taking all the workers inside hostage, draining them of their energy and demanding ransom from the California state government, otherwise he will sap the electricity of the entire west coast! He cackles with malice and insanity. Soon, all will BOW to him!

Dan races down the empty streets of Glendale, turning the heads of every man, woman and child in the stores and houses he runs effortlessly past! Nothing will stand in his way! Except cars... and streets that are under construction... and lamp posts... Actually, come to think of it, there’s a lot of stuff that is standing in his way, but no matter! Dan’s superhuman strength and agility allows him to dodge obstacles with relative ease! Finally, Dan makes his way to the power plant, barely even winded!

The Circuit Breaker takes notice of the trespassing vigilante and briefly stops sapping the plant’s electricity to deal with the intruder. Dan notices all the exhausted, dehydrated people on the ground and goes to confront the Circuit Breaker, a massive giant of a man made of black metallic alloy similar to Dan, with a red X scratched into his chest! Normally, Dan would have pissed his pants at the thought of having to take on this monstrous thing, but he had no pants and nothing to piss with.

The massive villain stands over Dan and growls: “Who are you that dares take on the Circuit Breaker?!”  
Dan, summoning inner strength he never knew he had, mightily declares: “Who am I, CB? I am the one who fights for freedom and refreshment! I am… PEPSI MAN!”  
“Pepsiman? HA! I used to crush soda cans like you against my forehead!”  
“Enough talk! Have at you, villain!”

Dan runs full force at CB, knocking the massive brute back an inch or two… but that just makes him angry! The metallic superbeings get into sort of a boxing match, with one punch from CB sending Dan flying into a wall! Dazed and at a loss, Dan quickly switches strategy…

Stretching his arms out in front of him, Dan hopes to stop the rampaging metal man using super strength... however, he notices that doing so has somehow caused him to summon two cans of Pepsi! CB comes barreling down on Dan, who in turn ducks under the behemoth’s legs and places the cans under CB’s feet!

The metal monster loses his balance on one can and tumbles forward onto where his face should have been! Dan tries to think of a quick way to deal with the villain, before noticing some dangerously exposed wire that CB had been gathering energy from…

“You want electricity?” quips Dan. “I’ll give you electricity!” Dan tosses the villain into the circuits, electrifying him. Then, with the power of super speed, Dan cranks the generator up incredibly high levels, CB yells as he is overcharged with electric power, more power than his body can handle! Finally, the villain can bear it no longer, and he bursts in a cloud of static and small shrapnel!

Thankfully, none of the workers are seriously injured, and those who were injured in the explosion, or by CB before the explosion, receive quick medical treatment. By some miracle, Dan’s incredible running prowess managed to bring power back to the city! Dan, however, is now drained of energy, and he passes out cold.

“Dan? Dan, wake up!”  
Dan comes to. He finds himself sitting in a hospital bed. His body is back to normal, and he is only wearing a hospital gown. Well, that’s one way to wake up!  
“Dan!” says Arin. “You’re finally awake!” Arin, Suzy, and Ross are standing by Dan’s bedside.  
“What happened?” asks Dan. “Did I pass out from the heat?”  
“I don’t know, we were looking all over for you.”  
Ross pipes up. “So, what exactly happened?”  
Dan rubs his head. “I don’t know. Man, I had the craziest fucking dream. I drank too much Pepsi, I got turned into a metal man or something, I fought another giant metal man at the power plant…It was kind freaky, but kinda awesome.”  
Ross realizes something. “Dan… I don’t think you were dreaming…”  
“Ross, don’t fuck with me, okay? I’m not in the mood.”  
“No, I’m serious! I saw you! You ran into the bathroom, you had no face, you came out running like crazy!”  
No, it couldn’t have been real. It was just too crazy to happen in real life. But then again- No, wait. It couldn’t have been a dream either. If it was a dream, then how did none of the other Grumps know where he was before they found him in the hospital?  
“Wait… let me try something…”  
Dan holds one of his hands out. A fizz can be heard. Everyone in the room suddenly has an unopened can of Pepsi in their hands!  
Suzy is taken aback. “Dan, did- did you do that?”  
Ross is dumbfounded… “You’re Pepsiman…”  
Dan goes silent and quickly checks under his robe… Fortunately, everything is in its right place. “Wait,” says Dan, “if I’m Pepsiman, then why do I look like me now?”  
Suzy thinks about it… “Maybe you turned back to normal after you spent all your energy helping those electrical workers.”  
Dan says, half-jokingly, “Maybe I should lay off the Pepsi for a while. So, Arin, when are we going to get back to recording Game Grumps?”  
Arin speaks seriously for a moment.”Tomorrow at the earliest. We gotta get equipment back online and all that, but honestly you should get some rest.”  
“Okay,” says Dan. “See you tomorrow.”

THE NEXT DAY...

Arin manages, after several attempts, to kill the dungeon boss.  
“Good fucking job, Arin.”  
“Finally! I mean thank you Dan.”  
Dan laughs and looks at the clock. “Well you made progress, so guess what?”  
“Oh, is it next time on Game Grumps already?”  
“You bet your nuts it is. See you everybody!”  
Dan writes down the end time.  
“And with that, we are done for the day.”  
“Can I just say… I hate Skyward Sword, so much.”  
“You have made that very clear.”

Suddenly, out of the blue, Dan senses danger afoot across town. As if by second nature, he knows what he must do!  
“Arin, something's wrong. I have to go.”  
“Wait, what? What is it? Where are you going?”  
“I don't know, but I’m going to find out!” Dan takes off at high speed. Arin calmly stops the recording.

Running out to the fridge, Dan finds and chugs a can of Pepsi. “Why am I doing this?” he thinks.  
The sugar rushes through Dan’s veins. He once again, transforms into… Pepsiman!

To be continued… maybe. Probably not.


End file.
